Archive for category vacation

Can Anyone Tell Me On What Aisle I Can Find “Sleep”?

Aug 13

Posted by Brandon in Flashback, Funny Things, vacation

So I’m talking to a friend of mine about how people that haven’t lived outside the States (American territories and Canada don’t count) just don’t understand what it’s like to take everyday luxuries for granted.

Brandon: I mean, what’s the big deal about going to Target or Best Buy??? Nothing if you can do it any time you want. But when you can go to Barnes and Noble and not have to shop in the foreign section… that’s huge!

John: Right… the first time i walked into Wal-Mart i just wondered around for about an hour.

Brandon: Same with me at Kroger and Kohls. Actually, I was wondering around Kohls mostly because I was jet lagging and didn’t know what was going on.

This conversation took me back to a time long, long ago. It’s another My Reboot @ 30 first: The My Reboot @ 30 FLASHBACK!!!

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The year is 2010… the month… June. It’s early afternoon and I’ve just returned from Korea two days prior. My body is less than willing to be walking around considering it should have been sleeping at the moment.

My parents and I have decided to take a shopping trip to get some school shopping out of the way and to buy some nostalgia food for me to consume as I’m temporarily residing in the States. We made a stop at one of my favorite all-around stores: Kohls. I love the prices and the selection (and the free merchandise for pumping you on my blog… please, please!!!).

I had just found some great slip-on shoes, which are convenient considering every time you walk into a Korean home, you are supposed to take off your shoes. Unless, of course, you’re having a bad “anti-Korea day” and you wear your shoes throughout your apartment. That’ll show ‘em.

As my dad is off trying on some pants and my mom is searching for some house-wears elsewhere in the store, I’m left alone to search for some clothes. Suddenly, it hits me. From out of nowhere and when you least expect it, jet lag can strike you. And boy… did it pack a punch. One second I’m walking… the next I’m grasping for display counters and clothing racks. Unknowing viewers might have thought I was drunk or perhaps having a health crisis. Alas, no one comes to my aid.

Soon I get my land-legs back and it’s off to our next shopping adventure. We head to Kroger where I’m found wondering aimlessly with my mouth hanging open and drool oozing from it. This was the first time I’d seen this much food with English text written on the labels. I remembered all the good times my friends Frosted Mini-Wheats, IBC Root Beer and Cheddar Cheese SunChips had had during the years. It was like going to a reunion that you actually wanted to attend.

We loaded up the cart with the aforementioned goodies, as well as Butterfinger Ice Cream, Garden Vegetable Flavor-Blasted Goldfish (my new favorites by the way… if you happen to want to send me a care package) and lunch meat… REAL LUNCH MEAT!!!

Then it happened. It wasn’t quite narcolepsy, but next thing I know we are home. I seem to recall a hazy meeting with one of my mom’s friends, an incident in the cereal aisle, finding Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers on clearance (and buying them all) and her handing me the keys to drive her vehicle which I can apparently do while dazed.

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Welcome Aboard Deja Vu Airlines

Aug 4

Posted by Brandon in Korea, PSA, Teaching, The Reboot, vacation

This is the true story… of one international teacher… Trying to get back to Korea… So he can mold impressionable minds… Find out what happens… When he stops using his head… And continues flying Delta… It’s The Worst Airline in the Real World!!!
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So, I don’t know… maybe I had just taken stupid pills when I decided to book my flight with Delta back in April. Perhaps I was having a Memento moment and had completely forgotten what happened last time. Or perhaps I was stupid and believed what happened to me on my flight here last year could NEVER happen again.

Someone hit me with a sledge hammer next time I book with Delta!!!

It started off like a normal morning before a big trip. There’s that apprehension you forgot something (like the Kraft Chipotle Mayo) and the anticipation of getting the 14 hour flight over with. But what happened today changed my definition of normal.

For me, normal is apparently showing up to the airport at 10a to find that your initial 11a flight has been delayed (mechanical issues this year, not weather). Normal is also finding out that that delay will keep you from making your connection to Tokyo (is there a yearly echo in this room?). I’ve found normal includes being rebooked on the non-stop flight to Seoul out of Atlanta (I guess I’m destined to always go non-stop and never see Tokyo. Perhaps O-Ren and the Crazy 88s are waiting to kill me there…). However, I was also given the option to flight to Paris and then to Seoul, putting me in a day late. That might have been a little more fun.

But alas, no matter how you define normal… I’m the one that gets frelled!

I went to Chick-Fil-A (nothing makes problems go away like Chick-Fil-A!) and headed home for a few hours until my rescheduled 4p flight. When we checked the schedule at home, my flight was once again delayed to an indeterminate time. Long story short… arrived as they were making their final boarding call. Awesome… off to Atlanta.

The nice thing about Atlanta is that I get to chill with my best bud, Jack. As I now have a 5 1/2 hour layover until my 12:30a flight, we were able to meet up and grab a bite to eat.

Rewind…

Forgot to tell you about the call I made to Delta about fixing my problems. To begin with, the voucher I was going to use for the 3rd piece of luggage I packed did not cover baggage… only airfare. So I had to pay the $150 out of pocket (and the voucher expires on August 20th… thus lapsing before I can even use it). Secondly, when I booked my original flight to Tokyo, I was seated on the aisle, which is good because every other international flight has put me in the center seat… and I can’t sleep in a center seat! When they rebooked me on the Korean Air non-stop flight, I was booked… in a center seat. To top it all off, orientation for work starts at 8a. My original flight arrived the night before, giving me time to rest and refresh. Now my arrival is set for 4a and the bus to Uijongbu doesn’t arrive until 6a, putting me in town at 7a. Great… an hour to unload my bags and put on some deodorant.

***Update*** Just found that it’s only NEW teacher orientation today… but still!!!

I get on the phone and tell the Delta rep all these things, plus told him that this was the second year in a row this type of service has been afforded to me (Check July 30-31, 2009 entry for a memory refresher, if needed). He told me he couldn’t help me and transferred me to another department. I once again tell the whole story to another woman. She also can’t help me and puts me on hold whilst she talks to another department. Finally, she gets on and tells me there is nothing she can do but issue me a new voucher for my troubles… this time a $200 voucher. I have to wonder if I’d get $250 if I’m stupid enough to try this again next year. I told her, “Unfortunately that voucher is worthless to me because I’m never flying your airline again. Give me cash, upgrade my non-stop flight to Korea to first class or refund my extra baggage cost (I would have been happy if they did that), but don’t insult me with another voucher!!!” I was informed because it was not a Delta flight and rather their Skyteam partner’s, Korean Air, that upgrading would be impossible because Delta wouldn’t foot that bill and Korean Air wouldn’t accept Delta’s voucher. All they could do for me was give me a new voucher and that I was welcome to email corporate with my complaints.

Once the Korean Air counter opened, I went up to check my seat assignment and hopefully get it changed. I was informed that the flight was completely booked and they couldn’t get me out of the seat. Defeated, tired and angry, I got the direct number to Delta customer service. At 12a, I sat in a quiet section of the Atlanta terminal and let Delta have a piece of my mind and informed them that there is no chance of them ever getting my business again. All the guy could do was tell me he’s sorry for my troubles and have a good flight.

Over the loudspeaker, I hear the boarding call for my flight. As I step into line, my name is called and I walk over to the desk. Sensing my frustration and anger, the woman at the counter asked another gentleman if he’d be willing to switch seats with me. I thanked the two people and took my new boarding pass. This was more than Delta did to productively assist me.

So to Korean Airlines… I thank your counter reps for their assistance in a manner that was actually helpful.

To Delta… No wonder you’ve been named the worst airline in the United States. Two years in a row on the same flight plan you have given me the worst possible service with conflict resolution that’s of little consequence. My butt won’t be warming the seats of your airline ever again.

I have a $200 Delta voucher for sale. Anyone out there crazy enough to buy it?
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Fun Fact #762: Had it not been for the fact that his flight left at 12:30a on August 3rd, Brandon would have never set foot on the ground on that date as his flight arrived in Seoul on August 4th at 4a.

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A Visit to the Back of a Nickle

Jul 14

Posted by Brandon in The Reboot, vacation

Yesterday, I took a short road trip to Richmond to visit some friends. I got to see my old boss, Heather, and her two kids. We hung out, ate pizza and watched a movie. We talked a little about Korea and the kids seemed to like my videos. At the same time, I think I could have shown the youngest a video of paint drying and he would have wanted to watch more… as it was almost his bedtime.

This morning I heading off to meet another friend of mine, Keilan, and have breakfast. Keilan is quite the musician. I worked with him on a short film, “To Take A Chance”, for the 48-Hour Film Project a couple years ago. He wrote the original music for the film and was also the lead actor. He’s quite talented and is a pretty cool guy. Check out the film yourself if you don’t believe me:

I hadn’t seen him in two years, so it was great to catch up with him and talk about what’s going in our lives. I also got a copy of his new EP. You can check out more of Keilan’s music and order songs at his MySpace page, http://www.myspace.com/keilanmusic.

After our two and a half hour breakfast, I departed to return home. About an hour or so into the trip, I needed to make a gas station stop in Charlottesville and saw a sign that sparked my interest. The sign pointed up the road, giving directions to the home of one Thomas Jefferson, former President of the United States.

That’s right, for those of you who have yet to pick up on all the clues I’ve been dropping, I visited Monticello. I started to realize that as many times as I’d driven through Charlottesville in my life, I’d never stopped to see the historical home.

They'd catch live fish and put them in this pool until they could prepare them for dinner.

They'd catch live fish and put them in this pool until they could prepare them for dinner.

It was pretty cool. I saw the clock that tells what day of the week it is. I witnessed the space-saving technique he used by putting all the beds in alcoves (I still have to wonder how both Madisons slept in that one bed when they’d come to visit). Finally I walked the grounds and took in the awe-inspiring views and natural beauty of the area.

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There was even a cool plant the gardening staff pointed out to me. They called it the “Sensitive Plant” and told me to touch it. Watch what happens:

It was an educational and enjoyable field trip to break up the day. And Thomas Jefferson himself even showed up for a photo opportunity.

Me and Thomas Jefferson... although, he was a bit stiff for the picture.

Me and Thomas Jefferson... although, he was a bit stiff for the picture.

As I was leaving, I saw signs for James Monroe’s home, Ash Lawn-Highland, and thought about another tour… but I figured one historical adventure was enough excitement for one day.

For more information on Monticello, visit their website.

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The Flashing Sign Over My Head Reads “Instigator”

Jul 3

Posted by Brandon in Funny Things, vacation

Heading up to Pennsylvania today for my cousin Seth’s graduation party, Fourth of July and family reunion. Started the day off early because my sister wanted to miss all the traffic on the drive up. I was unsure there would actually be traffic. However, she was quite adamant about leaving before 6am. I reluctantly got out of bed and we began our journey.

She was driving rather quickly. It’s a wonder she wasn’t pulled over. Eventually, she needed to nap and I took over the driving responsibilities. This resulted in much anxiety and stress on her part. I was going the speed limit and this wasn’t good enough for her. According to the GPS, we were losing time. She even had to take a Xanax.

When we finally arrived at our destination (in one piece and with no moving violations), I was quickly whisked off to help pick up the supplies for my cousin’s party. By the end of the trip I had to share the backseat of the vehicle with 20 multi-colored mylar balloons.

We got to the house and I was warmly welcomed by family members and friends I hadn’t seen in years. It was great to see everyone. We put the finishing touches on the rather elaborate setup and waited for the first guests to show up. It was an incredible spread. Of course, Grandma Donna and Uncle Larry are world-class cooks and so you always know you’re going to have a tasty meal.

But the real fun came later in the evening when a nefarious plan was uncovered involving an attack on Seth with water balloons. Word seemed to be spreading like wildfire, so I had to warn Seth. Of course, I was the one who hatched the plan and you know how I love to add unexpected twists to the best laid plans… including mine.

As I was standing there telling him about the plan, two of the guys walked up with balloons in their hands. It was obvious what their intent was and because it was my plan, I was handed a balloon.

Seth’s cousin, Craig, was the first to throw a balloon. It made contact, but bounced off and landed unbroken on the ground. Next, the other guy threw his balloon and it flew past Seth’s head and landed squarely on the ground, bursting upon impact. With Seth’s attention distracted, it was the perfect opportunity to land a shot. And that’s exactly what I did… right on the left side of his shirt. Completely soaked, Seth had that look of wanting to kill me, but realizing just how humorous the situation was.

I then went to Sarah, Craig’s sister, and informed her of the secondary plot to drench Seth, which of course was also my idea. She jumped at the opportunity and grabbed a couple of her girlfriends, a few balloons and they went in search of their target. After being unable to locate Seth, they turned their sights upon some unsuspecting boys at the party and that’s when the water balloon fight kicked into high gear.

I just sat back and watch with a devious smile upon my face. I’m an instigator and I was seeing the fruits of my labor coming into fruition while realizing just how evil I really am.

By the way… I never ended up in anyone’s crosshairs.

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Blue Balls Flying Everywhere!!!

Jun 23

Posted by Brandon in Funny Things, Sports, vacation

You may remember that before I moved to Korea, my dad introduced me to the game of racquetball. I really got into the game and fell in love with it. It’s a great workout and fast-paced enough to keep my attention. However, the only place to play in Korea is on the military base, to which I don’t have easy access.

Now I have returned to the States and am raring to get my racquetball on. One of my main competitors is Kristina. She probably the person I’ve played with the most. So a few days after I returned, I called her up to set up a playing time.

“I have a blue ball with your name written all over it,” I said as she answered the phone.

Apparently this is considered creepy and was interpreted as quite nasty. She thought I was a guy she went out with once. After taking a moment and telling her who was calling (my phone number was new, by the way), she was less creeped out.

We set up a time for today and got my former roommate, Ken, to join us as well for a rousing game of “Cutthroat”… my best game. It started off civil enough… and then the cringing and shrieking and screaming started. All of this was by Kristina, by the way. According to her, it’s her self-preservation instinct. I don’t understand. Sure, last year I hit her with the racquet once or twice and perhaps a few misplaced shots with the ball left giant welts on her body. But is that any reason to tense up and put your hand in front of your face any time I swing when I’m behind you? There were some times I didn’t even swing!

I feel a lack of love and mistrust in the room. Ken wasn’t doing it. I know… perhaps we could pick up a helmet and some body armor for next time… for me… because I’m going to be the one getting hit with a racquet after this taunting I’m posting for the world to see.

In the end, I WAS VICTORIOUS!!! I won my first game back on the court in 10 1/2 months!

I don’t want to talk about the other 3 games, though.

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Are My Clothes Supposed to Be This Soft???

Jun 19

Posted by Brandon in Funny Things, Korea, vacation

There are a few things I never figured I’d miss that much when I got to Korea. However, now that I’ve returned to the States, I’m noticing things a little more. Today, for instance, I did my laundry. The big difference… the dryer.

I’ll refer you back to August 16, 2009 where I showed what Korean laundry day is like for me. Washing is fairly similar, but drying is done on a clothes line and/or drying rack. Air-dried clothes… definitely not the same as using a dryer.

As I took the clothes out of the dryer, the feeling of warmth was amazing. In addition, there’s that fresh smell of the dryer sheet and fabric softener. But to top it all off, the softness of the clothes… you forget about it. When I put my socks on, I couldn’t believe the difference. After nearly a year of crusty air-dried socks, I was shocked that I’d forgotten how fluffy and comfortable my socks could be on my feet.

So this prompted me to make a list of a few of the things I missed about America… in no particular order:

Fresh air
Drinking water from the tap
Going to the bookstore and not having to go to the foreign section
Being able to read all the signs in the stores
Chick-Fil-A
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Cheddar Cheese SunChips

But not to be forgotten, I have found I miss some things about Korea as well:

People that aren’t excessively rude
Screen golf
My students
Amusing World massage chairs
Korean high-speed internet
Lotteria Shake-Shake fries

Now this is just a short list on both. Way more I could have put in, but didn’t feel the need to compile a long list. Well, I’ll be trading one for the other soon enough.

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I Just Destroyed the Space/Time Continuum

Jun 13

Posted by Brandon in Korea, The Reboot, vacation

Time to head back to the States. My 10-month adventure as a first year teacher has come to an end.

Unfortunately, the worst part about international travel… is the travel. Thankfully, the trip was practically non-stop with only one layover. Not bad considering my trip back in August will have two. The other nice thing was it was a late afternoon flight, so I had practically all day to get things tied up at home.

My friends, the Lowells, were joining me on this voyage back to the States, so it was nice to have traveling companions.

We arrived at the airport and I had my last meal of shake-shake fries from Lotteria. We made our way to the gate, boarded the plane and waited for takeoff. I sat down in my seat and looked at the seat-back in front of me. A strange sight met my eye: a working video console!!! Hopefully this one would hold out the entire flight and I wouldn’t find myself trying to conserve computer battery life as experience proved I couldn’t recharge it in the bathroom.

We taxied out to the runway and accelerated for takeoff. I glanced at my watch.

Sunday, June 13. 6pm.

The flight was enjoyable. Got to watch the excellent “Midnight” episode of Doctor Who… which seemed slightly inappropriate for an airline flight as it deals with people trapped on a broken down shuttle with no escape from an alien that has possessed one of the occupants. Thankfully, nothing like that happened here.

I started watching “Book of Eli” but the picture was too hard to see and I figured I had better quality on my own computer. Plus… I wouldn’t have international subtitles. “When in Rome” was watched solely for Kristen Bell and wasn’t horrible, but was predictable.

Read a little of the first Percy Jackson book and tried sleeping. Alas, sleep has never come easily to me when I sit in the middle seat. I got perhaps 15 minutes of shuteye spread out across the entire trip.

I talked to the woman next to me who was heading back to the States to pick up her son and bring him back to Korea. She’s in the military, found out she was going to be there long term, and felt it was best to bring her son over. I tried to tell her about the exciting things to do in Korea as she claimed she hadn’t ventured very far from Yongsan military base. I advised her to jump on the subway and not be afraid to get lost. The fun of Korea is the adventure of the unknown and the discovery of what you find. She said she’d give it a try and that with her son going along for the ride, perhaps she would be braver.

I played some video games on the entertainment system. Unfortunately, it’s a touch screen system and the man in front of me got really peeved at all the tapping that was keeping him awake. Sure it bugged me too, but I just learned to ignore the kids giving their game their all behind me.

The guy on the aisle was a bit… how can I put this??? Hefty is a good word… and sleepy. I was only able to get out of my seat once and unfortunately, the storage compartment was not as conducive to monkey swinging as the other flights I’d taken. Oh well…

The food was okay. Definitely not as delicious as the Thai Airlines food during Christmas break.

The announcement came over the loudspeaker… we would be landing soon!!!

As the wheels touched down, I looked at my watch. We had arrived early. But not just earlier than anticipated… we arrived 15 minutes before we took off from Seoul!!!

Sunday, June 13. 5:45pm.

My mind was literally blown. I could now say, “That’s 15 minutes of my life I did get back.” I’m wondering what those last 14 cramped hours I perceived were all about. Hopefully, though, there will be no repercussions related to this gaping hole I just ripped in the space/time continuum.

We hung out in Detroit for about 4 hours before we both jumped flights to our respective final destinations. The butterflies were starting to fill my stomach as we got in the air for this last leg. At this point, I was just ready to land and get into a bed.

When we landed at the airport, the doors opened and I stepped outside. I stood at the top of the steps for a moment, surveying the familiar landscape as I took a long, deep breath of the air I had been longing to breathe. It was the freshest, best smelling air my lungs had encountered in 10 1/2 months. I stepped down, grabbed my carry-on and proceeded to the terminal for a surprise.

And so begins 7-weeks of rest and relaxation… I hope.

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Thailand Day 9: Forming the Brotherhood… or THE MOST EPIC STORY EVER!!!

Dec 28

Posted by Brandon in Funny Things, Thailand, The Reboot, vacation

Everyone is bored…
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Having worked for a news organization in my previous life, I decided to return to Nuan Bay to see if there remained any evidence of my previous night’s discovery. Alas, the high tide of the ocean had washed it all away or the sand had been turned after the deed was completed. Either way, not a trace remained. I did, however, want to warn the woman who was sunning herself on the beach about what had been sitting on the beach 12 hours ago in the exact spot where she now sat.

I’ve grown restless in what I’ve come to view as a paradise prison. I’ve explored the island, gotten as much sun as I, a pasty white dude, wishes get, grown tired of the sand and am now finding boredom to be my adversary. I awoke multiple times during the night and had trouble returning to slumber. I was a little after 10am that I couldn’t take any more of my reading in the confined room where Craig and Jim continued to sleep. I took a stroll on the beach and found a quiet cafe’ porch on which to read. I drank tea in the peacefulness for the next hour. I decided I should probably search for the others as they were no doubt wondering what had happened to me.

I found them under the roofed area of our frequented beach restaurant. Everyone was reading and enjoying a nice brunch… and that was how we spent most of the day. That evening, we ate at a new restaurant and Craig had the spiciest curry we’d tried since we arrived. It was painfully funny to watch him down the meal.

Craig was determined to finish the curry... even if it killed him.

Craig was determined to finish the curry... even if it killed him.

Jimbo tried it too.

Jimbo tried it too.

Congratulations... Craig finally finished it.

Congratulations... Craig finally finished it.

It was also determined during the meal that we would head back to the mainland the next day as restlessness abounded amongst the entire group.

The ladies decided to retire to their room, but the men had different plans… at least Jim and I. As part of the male-bonding experience, Jim had suggested we go for a night swim, or nuchin’ as we renamed it. Craig refused to take part because he had cut his foot earlier in the day and didn’t want the ocean water to hurt it. That’s how Craig became the recipient of the “male bonding shun”.

Jim and I made our way to a quiet beach, away from the hustle and bustle of the restaurant row on all the other beaches. We sat on the rocks and talked a little about the trip so far and watched the couple that was awkwardly walking around on the beach nearby. I eventually made the connection that the guy was probably trying to propose to the girl, but we were really killing the secluded vibe of the moment. This became known as our “nuchin’ standoff”. How long could the two parties holdout before one left. Jim and I were in it for the long haul and we finally won the title of “Kings of the Beach”.

Then, with the nearly full moon above us, we strode into the water. It was a great night for a swim and the atmosphere seemed to reiterate the calm relaxation of the evening. I’m not a big fan of salt water, so I just planned to get in and just stand upright or float that night. As we walked into the water, I kept touching what felt like seaweed or a school of fish brushing past my hands and legs. Jim took a seat in the water and I got out to about chest level and stopped. The entire time the organisms in the water never seemed to leave us alone. I pulled my hand out of the water to look at the seaweed and shake it off. When my hand came out of the water… nothing. I looked into the water and even with the moonlight illuminating to the floor of the ocean, I still couldn’t see anything in the water. Suddenly, as if by flashback recall, I remembered a conversation a random stranger was having near our table that night. It sparked a shocking and horrifying realization and the truth finally dawned on me.

JELLYFISH… Thousands of baby jellyfish!!!

I yelled the terrifying news to Jim and we both took off at full speed out of the water, man-screaming the entire way. Since I was farther out, it was a longer sprint back to the shore. My body was mostly free of the danger-infested water. The only thing still submerged were my legs from the knees down. I was about to emerge unscathed from the nightmare I was standing in when suddenly, the nightmare got worse and a giant wave rolled in… bringing the water back up to my hips. Wave after wave kept hitting me, as if the ocean was telling me it was never letting me go! Each wave brought another wave of jellyfish and it seemed like an eternity. Every moment that passed, my heart jumped with the fear that I would be the recipient of one painful sting after another.

And then, as if by a miracle, I made it to the shore and turned in defiance, screaming at the ocean, “NOT THIS TIME!!!”

Okay… so maybe the screaming at the ocean isn’t entirely… at all true. But I did finally catch up to Jim who was standing on the beach, nervously laughing as we recalled the amazing feat we’d just experienced. We looked down and in the moonlight saw the beach’s tideline glistening with the small gelatinous forms lying in the sand. We walked back to the room, but not before noticing the couple we’d seen before standing in the wooded area at the edge of the beach. We could only imagine the laugh they got at the sight of us running and screaming as we exited the water. I figured it’d be a story for the grandkids as they recount the story of the night they got engaged in Thailand.

But we didn’t care. From the epic throes of death, Jim and I had emerged and formed a new brotherhood… the Brotherhood of the “Nuchers”… and Craig isn’t in it!!!

The brotherhood is formed... and Craig slept right through it. LOSER!!!

The brotherhood is formed... and Craig slept right through it. LOSER!!!

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Thailand Day 8: Pasty White People Should NOT Visit the Beach and Other Shocking Discoveries!

Dec 27

Posted by Brandon in Funny Things, Thailand, The Reboot, vacation

Brandon wants lots of alone time and starts feeling more like a stalker. Jim attempts to turn himself into a tomato. Craig tries to become a better teacher by reading a book and finds some admirers. And the girls… well… I got nothin’!
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Jim woke up at the butt crack of dawn in order to get his money’s worth out of the darn scooter! He also woke me up by getting right in my face to get me to go. Not exactly the first thing I want to see at 6:15am, thus, I refused. He somehow managed to coax Kate along on this little return adventure to the tip of the island. I thought I’d get plenty of sleep before they returned.

I need to stop getting my hopes up like that.

They returned MUCH sooner than expected because the trip didn’t take the hour they expected, but rather 20 minutes. Apparently the amateurs (aka Craig and Brandon) really affected the actual travel time on the island. Jim came back to the room and begged me come along for another quick romp from one end of the island to the other. As I was never the one to get back up on the horse after falling (remember the spill from the night before), I was quite reluctant. But there’s just something in the way Jim motivates you (read: repetitively annoys). Finally I caved and threw on my nasty, dirty, dusty clothes from yesterday.

We once again hit the “open road”. Jim said we were like a real motorcycle gang. I get the feeling he hasn’t seen “Sons of Anarchy” because that’s what was going through my head and we weren’t running guns or drugs.

Our 'motorcycle gang'

Our 'motorcycle gang'

I think the shirt says enough...

I think the shirt says enough...

We made it to the tip and back with a little extra time to zip through the main street in town for one more ride on the paved road… Bourne-style! Now, feeling more confident with my driving skills, I pulled out the camera to get some video while driving. Mom… don’t kill me!

We turned in the bikes to the rental place and after some breakfast, I returned to exploring and found a more secluded beach. It was a nice, quiet excursion… something I really needed. I found my way back to our beach and discovered a shady lounge that was perfect.

AHH... a shady place to rest!

AHH... a shady place to rest!

Unfortunately, because it was part of a rental villa I was not renting, I was forcefully vacated after an hour when the real tenants showed up. At least I had gotten a little bit of nice alone time to read and listen to some music away from my enemy… the sun. People used to call me Casper in my dorm. Need some extra light? Here… I’ll take off my shirt and reflect some your way.

However, from my distant perch, I was able to snap a few shots of the rest of the group (with my super great zoom lens) doing “beach stuff” like: playing frisbee, sunning on the floating dock, and diving from the floating dock after you (Jim) wake up and realize it has become a total sausage fest on the floating dock. Now the group has stopped whispering about how creepy I am and are saying it to my face.

Frisbee Time!!!

Frisbee Time!!!

I don't understand why Jim sets himself up for pain like this.

I don't understand why Jim sets himself up for pain like this.

Jim totally oblivious to all the guys that have joined him.

Jim totally oblivious to all the guys that have joined him.

After I was tired of taking all the long-distance photos of the group, I decided to join them for a late lunch. The whole time, my attention was fixed on a vacant lounge near where I’d just been kicked out of a few minutes before. The bungalow seemed empty, so I didn’t see why my sitting there would be a problem. Thankfully, I was successful this time in my pursuit of undisturbed quiet and after I’d had my fill, I returned to the room.

It was at this point I felt the day had been an utter bore. That is, until Craig showed up.

You see, he had been off doing some things when he spotted a group of guys setting up for volleyball. As an avid player of the sport, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. A young Thai man came up to him and asked, “Would you like to play with me?” Craig, having seen the proclivities of the men on our beach reiterated, “Volleyball, yes.”

He soon came to the conclusive realization that of the 18 men playing, he was one of 4 straight men. His comfort level became even more strained when the Thai man that invited him kept speaking to him in Thai. The young man finally asked Craig if he spoke Thai.

“No,” said Craig.

“Good,” replied the young Thai guy.

“What?” Craig questioned.

“I just told you were very handsome,” was the Thai fellow’s response.

Craig didn’t believe that’s all he said and awkwardness ensued. This made the third time in 4 days that Craig has been hit on by a dude!

Jim arrived at the bungalow looking like the lobster I imagined he would become having fallen asleep on the dock. Here are some pictures for your painful enjoyment:

OUCH!!!

OUCH!!!

This should be a PSA for sun-protection. It also makes me laugh.

This should be a PSA for sun-protection. It also makes me laugh.

That night, a stroll on the beach reminded me why I like the beach at night: PEACE! That is, until I made a shocking discovery. The secluded beach around the corner from us seemed so inviting and nice during the day, I could only imagine how calming it would be at night as it was the only beach without a restaurant. Tucked away, lit only by moonlight, it seemed the perfect getaway. *(Those with a weak stomach should stop reading now)* And then I got the whiff of… what seemed to be human waste! I turned on my camera’s light and found streams of brown being hosed onto the beach and running into the water. I have pictures… but I’ve made a decision not to post them here for the sake of the faint-hearted and weak-stomached.

Word of warning: When in Ko Samet, avoid Nuan Bay… especially at night.

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Thailand Day 7: Tapping Into My Inner Jason Bourne!

Dec 26

Posted by Brandon in Thailand, The Reboot, vacation

Jim finally tells the girls to shut up. Shelli distances herself from the group. Kate and the boys take an adventure around the island. Craig gets an honor of which he’d rather not be the recipient. Brandon taps into his inner Jason Bourne as he traipses from one end of the island to the other and along the way, finds this island’s hatch.
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Ko Samet is about 6 miles long and has very few roads to speak of. In fact, most of the “roads” are nothing more than glorified rock and dirt trails. But we had been wanting to explore for a while, so we rented some motor scooters… well, everyone except Shelli. She determined she wanted to have a relaxing reading and beach day. So we left her behind and got a 24-hour rental on these vehicles of death.

Jimbo... sporting the red bike!

Jimbo... sporting the red bike!

Kate looking lovely on white...

Kate looking lovely on white...

The side mirror shot

The side mirror shot

Jim and Kate were the only experienced riders, while Craig and I just got tossed right into the deep end of the pool. We started off nice and easy, which was pretty difficult considering the road from the rental place was an uphill climb on a paved road that was in complete disrepair. Plus, narrow as it was, it was still a “two-way” street. The first big truck freaked me out and I rethought this line of activity.

Soon we made it to the “open” road, which would be best described as a dirt road with lots of precarious hills and bends. Craig was the first to bite it about 10 minutes into the ride.

It's still a mystery how Craig was able to walk away from this one.

It's still a mystery how Craig was able to walk away from this one.

When his bike wouldn’t restart, he and Kate took a ride back into town to get help. Jim and I stayed to behind to protect the bike, but as you’ll see in this video, Jim really needed someone to protect him from himself:

Craig’s bike was soon fixed (the choke is a tricky problem when you don’t know it doesn’t exist) and we got back on the road. Every downhill slope was a new and scary adventure. With the dirt, sand, bumps and rocks, the road felt more like a mogul course or BMX track than a road. Kate soon became the next to bite it. My cautious attitude was keeping me safe; but for how long?

We came to the first scenic overlook the island provided. It was an AMAZING view. We climbed down the hillside onto the rocky coast.

Following the path...

Following the path...

Deathwish Craig, as I starting calling him, slipped and fell between some boulders into a small pool of ocean water.

It was just not Craiger's day!

It was just not Craiger's day!

I ventured away to get a better look around and found some steps that were naturally carved into the side of the hillside. I followed them down and at the base of the steps, I made an amazing discovery: THIS ISLAND’S HATCH!!!

The Ko Samet Hatch!!!

The Ko Samet Hatch!!!

We got back to the scooters and continued our journey. Steep hill after steep hill tested my skills.

The sign says it all...

The sign says it all...

Thankfully, I had become quickly adept to the bike and skillfully braked down each one. We eventually came to the end of the road: an island ranger station with some incredible viewpoints of each coast. It was here that Kate decided to slice open her foot. But some quick-thinking from Craig and Jim (I can barely watch “House” without averting my eyes, so I was pretty much useless), a roll of toilet paper, Bath and Body Works Antibacterial Hand sanitizer and a plastic bag later, Kate was good enough to walk up to the ranger station and get some real first-aid.

Now this is resourcefulness!

Now this is resourcefulness!

I stayed behind to get some more pics while they went to discover a nearby beach resort. I must confess to you and to them for the first time, I became the final member of our excursion to bite it as I rode alone to meet them at the resort. It was nothing more than an embarrassment to my pride and not a major fall… but my conscience has finally gotten the best of me.

I joined them and found some of the most amazing views I’d ever seen. After following a path and an ominous bridge, I climbed to the top of a rock cliff that was at the very tip of the island. As I crested the top of the rocks, I literally had my breath taken from me. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

One of my favorite shots from the trip.

One of my favorite shots from the trip.

Looking out over the blue sea, my senses were filled by miles of ocean with little more on the horizon. Looking down, you could see straight down to the floor of the ocean. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Jim was about to give his best "King of the World" yell... but I stopped him.

Jim was about to give his best

It doesn’t really do it justice, but hopefully this video can give you a glimpse of what I saw (while preparing this video, the speed at which I panned made the iMovie timeline look like a 360 degree photo):

I also found a hammock back on the beach, and from this vantage point, I saw my ideal view of paradise.

My idea of paradise!

My idea of paradise!

I just want to stay here forever... or at least until lunch.

I just want to stay here forever... or at least until lunch.

Unfortunately, you soon have to leave paradise, because their rates are too expensive and get back to your real budget vaca. We checked out some other resorts (including “The Village” from “The Prisoner”) and grabbed some lunch. Before long, we found Shelli enjoying her alone time. But the scooters continued to beckon and we were off to see the western coast of the island.

Because of my excellent sense of direction, I led the group to the swankier resorts on the other coast. Kate commented how surprised she was that I knew how to get there. I really wish The Amazing Race producers would notice that too. So once again, we took a holiday from our holiday and enjoyed the pricier getaway. This was one of the nicer ones and we quite enjoyed what it must be like to live in the lap of luxury. Granted, if we all split the cost of this, we probably could have stayed there for about $20-$25 a person/per night.

So this is what pampering feels like!

So this is what pampering feels like!

On the way back, we took some laps around a reservoir that made for a perfect racetrack. We also decided to take our bikes onto the main, paved road outside the nature preserve for a trek to the end of that road. Once again I led the group, per their request, because of my terrific navigational skills. I found once the road was paved, I could fly on the scooter.

We made our way through the town and I tapped into my inner-Jason Bourne as I flew, weaving in and out of traffic, through the narrow streets and over speed bumps. Kate claimed I even went airborne at one point. All the way home, I kept thinking my mother would be having a fit if she saw me driving like that.

Before it got dark, we decided to take a couple more laps around the reservoir and take some of the side trials to see where they led. I found Koh Samet’s trash dump and the “friendly” dog that was guarding it.

We whisked like mad to make the sunset on the western coast, but missed it by minutes. On the way back to the room, Kate and I lost Jim and thought perhaps he’d wiped out and was lying injured or dead in a gully. We both set back out to find him, but what I found was the ground when my bike gunned right into a ditch. Got a bruise on my leg, a gash on my foot and a broken mirror from that rescue attempt… all to find out that Jim was racing us and had secretly taken a short cut home.

The shower that night (my first in 2 days) felt amazing. The cool water soothed the sunbaking I’d received that day and washed the layers of dust and dirt I’d picked up away. I thought it was funny that Craig’s black hair turned a shade of light brown from all the dirt.

Thus ended my day on the road.

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