Posts Tagged food

We Are At The Highest Level Emergency Status You Can Possibly Imagine!!!

We’re at the highest level of emergency protocol here, people. This is nothing to joke about or to be taken lightly. I have just discovered my life is in serious peril here in the country of South Korea and I don’t know if I’m going to survive it. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I was starting to run low on groceries, so my friend and fellow teacher, Erin, and I went to HomePlus, one of the major grocery chain in the area, to stock up on much needed supplies. Oh… if only I’d known what I was about to discover, I wouldn’t have gone on this trip and continued to live in peaceful bliss.

We arrived at the store and were filling the cart with the much needed supplies. I’d picked up some bulgogi, a couple glass pitchers for making iced tea and some delicious wheat bread that I recently discovered they finally started selling in Korea. As our trip was winding down, I suddenly remembered something I needed to pick up. I ran to the chip and cracker aisle to snag a couple bags of my comfort snack… Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Cheese Goldfish Crackers.

I turned the corner to the aisle and that’s when it happened. The most horrible atrocity I’d encountered since my arrival to these shores just over a year ago. My hands are shaking as I type this. I went to grab at the bag of heavenly comfort, when I noticed… there were no bags of Goldfish Crackers. Instead, in their place, I found… GENERIC PRINGLES!!!

This couldn’t be happening to me!!! Then the gears of my mind started whirling. Perhaps I was on the wrong aisle… nope. Maybe they were on another aisle with the dessert Pepperidge Farm products… THAT HAD TO BE IT.

NADDA!!!

I tried to run to find Erin, but my legs barely moved. She spotted me in my desperate state and asked me if I was okay. My voice quivered as I told her of my grisly discovery. She refused to believe it. She beckoned an employee, pointed to the shelf and in her best broken Korean tried to ask about the crackers. When he didn’t understand, she tried acting like a fish by puckering her lips and flapping her hands on her cheeks like gills. Suddenly the man understood. He called the back on his walkie and for a few tense, breathless moments… we waited.

Then the reply…

He waved his hands at us, in an indication that they no longer carried the only snack that could possibly help get me through the hardest times in my life. I kept thinking I need Goldfish Crackers at this moment to help me cope with my lack of Goldfish Crackers. My knees began to buckle as I could no longer support my body weight. My fingers went numb as my body when into a cold shock. I was dying.

How long could I last? Sure, I have 5 1/2 bags of my new favorite flavor (Garden Cheddar Flavor-Blasted Goldfish), but how long will those really sustain me? I give it until October before I’m forced to throw myself out my 11th floor apartment window.

We made it back to the van, a look of weariness accompanied the drool that was now running out my permanently opened mouth. The life-force drained completely from my body, we returned home. I put the now seemingly insignificant items I bought away in their cabinets and various new homes. I collapsed into bed, my life completely devastated.

How will I make it without my Goldfish???

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Can Anyone Tell Me On What Aisle I Can Find “Sleep”?

So I’m talking to a friend of mine about how people that haven’t lived outside the States (American territories and Canada don’t count) just don’t understand what it’s like to take everyday luxuries for granted.

Brandon: I mean, what’s the big deal about going to Target or Best Buy??? Nothing if you can do it any time you want. But when you can go to Barnes and Noble and not have to shop in the foreign section… that’s huge!

John: Right… the first time i walked into Wal-Mart i just wondered around for about an hour.

Brandon: Same with me at Kroger and Kohls. Actually, I was wondering around Kohls mostly because I was jet lagging and didn’t know what was going on.

This conversation took me back to a time long, long ago. It’s another My Reboot @ 30 first: The My Reboot @ 30 FLASHBACK!!!

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The year is 2010… the month… June. It’s early afternoon and I’ve just returned from Korea two days prior. My body is less than willing to be walking around considering it should have been sleeping at the moment.

My parents and I have decided to take a shopping trip to get some school shopping out of the way and to buy some nostalgia food for me to consume as I’m temporarily residing in the States. We made a stop at one of my favorite all-around stores: Kohls. I love the prices and the selection (and the free merchandise for pumping you on my blog… please, please!!!).

I had just found some great slip-on shoes, which are convenient considering every time you walk into a Korean home, you are supposed to take off your shoes. Unless, of course, you’re having a bad “anti-Korea day” and you wear your shoes throughout your apartment. That’ll show ‘em.

As my dad is off trying on some pants and my mom is searching for some house-wears elsewhere in the store, I’m left alone to search for some clothes. Suddenly, it hits me. From out of nowhere and when you least expect it, jet lag can strike you. And boy… did it pack a punch. One second I’m walking… the next I’m grasping for display counters and clothing racks. Unknowing viewers might have thought I was drunk or perhaps having a health crisis. Alas, no one comes to my aid.

Soon I get my land-legs back and it’s off to our next shopping adventure. We head to Kroger where I’m found wondering aimlessly with my mouth hanging open and drool oozing from it. This was the first time I’d seen this much food with English text written on the labels. I remembered all the good times my friends Frosted Mini-Wheats, IBC Root Beer and Cheddar Cheese SunChips had had during the years. It was like going to a reunion that you actually wanted to attend.

We loaded up the cart with the aforementioned goodies, as well as Butterfinger Ice Cream, Garden Vegetable Flavor-Blasted Goldfish (my new favorites by the way… if you happen to want to send me a care package) and lunch meat… REAL LUNCH MEAT!!!

Then it happened. It wasn’t quite narcolepsy, but next thing I know we are home. I seem to recall a hazy meeting with one of my mom’s friends, an incident in the cereal aisle, finding Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers on clearance (and buying them all) and her handing me the keys to drive her vehicle which I can apparently do while dazed.

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The Flashing Sign Over My Head Reads “Instigator”

Heading up to Pennsylvania today for my cousin Seth’s graduation party, Fourth of July and family reunion. Started the day off early because my sister wanted to miss all the traffic on the drive up. I was unsure there would actually be traffic. However, she was quite adamant about leaving before 6am. I reluctantly got out of bed and we began our journey.

She was driving rather quickly. It’s a wonder she wasn’t pulled over. Eventually, she needed to nap and I took over the driving responsibilities. This resulted in much anxiety and stress on her part. I was going the speed limit and this wasn’t good enough for her. According to the GPS, we were losing time. She even had to take a Xanax.

When we finally arrived at our destination (in one piece and with no moving violations), I was quickly whisked off to help pick up the supplies for my cousin’s party. By the end of the trip I had to share the backseat of the vehicle with 20 multi-colored mylar balloons.

We got to the house and I was warmly welcomed by family members and friends I hadn’t seen in years. It was great to see everyone. We put the finishing touches on the rather elaborate setup and waited for the first guests to show up. It was an incredible spread. Of course, Grandma Donna and Uncle Larry are world-class cooks and so you always know you’re going to have a tasty meal.

But the real fun came later in the evening when a nefarious plan was uncovered involving an attack on Seth with water balloons. Word seemed to be spreading like wildfire, so I had to warn Seth. Of course, I was the one who hatched the plan and you know how I love to add unexpected twists to the best laid plans… including mine.

As I was standing there telling him about the plan, two of the guys walked up with balloons in their hands. It was obvious what their intent was and because it was my plan, I was handed a balloon.

Seth’s cousin, Craig, was the first to throw a balloon. It made contact, but bounced off and landed unbroken on the ground. Next, the other guy threw his balloon and it flew past Seth’s head and landed squarely on the ground, bursting upon impact. With Seth’s attention distracted, it was the perfect opportunity to land a shot. And that’s exactly what I did… right on the left side of his shirt. Completely soaked, Seth had that look of wanting to kill me, but realizing just how humorous the situation was.

I then went to Sarah, Craig’s sister, and informed her of the secondary plot to drench Seth, which of course was also my idea. She jumped at the opportunity and grabbed a couple of her girlfriends, a few balloons and they went in search of their target. After being unable to locate Seth, they turned their sights upon some unsuspecting boys at the party and that’s when the water balloon fight kicked into high gear.

I just sat back and watch with a devious smile upon my face. I’m an instigator and I was seeing the fruits of my labor coming into fruition while realizing just how evil I really am.

By the way… I never ended up in anyone’s crosshairs.

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Thailand Day 3: THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

A chance of heavy tensions between Shelli and Kate come through in the morning, but dissipate by afternoon. Craig seems to withdraw more and more into his iPod. I wonder if he’ll soon forget we are here. Jim continues to be the lone wolf, which is beginning to irritate the girls; however, Jim doesn’t seem to care. Brandon also retreats into his iPod, but purely for mind stimulating reasons. Sudoku, anyone???
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It’s peaceful right now. Everyone is sleeping as I sit on a veranda overlooking the River Kwai. The fog between the mountain ridges looks like something out of a mythical storybook. The birds are chirping and the sound of one of the staff members watering the lawn three floors down is all I hear. Occasionally, you can hear traffic from the street of the nearby bridge, but as long as I stare ahead, it’s like it never existed.

My favorite place for peace and solitude!

My favorite place for peace and solitude!

Today has to be one of the best days of my life, which is surprising considering I didn’t have high expectations for it. You see, we decided to take one of those all day tour group package things and visit some of the attractions in the area. These kinds of trips are normally a burden to me considering it’s 10 hours and you are at the mercy of some tour guide and stuck mingling with people you’ve never met before in your life (and will probably never see again).

We started our journey late (our fault… but they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day) and were rushed to the waiting van. Now I don’t know if we were just trying to make up time or what, but with Speed Racer behind the wheel, Mr Toad’s Wild Ride had nothing on us.

We arrived at our first destination: a small waterfall called Saiyok Noi.

Jim at the falls...

Jim at the falls...

Not a big deal. I’ve been to Dunns River Falls, a multitiered waterfall in Jamacia. Now that was cool! In fact, there was the multitiered Erawan Falls nearby which I would have rather visited… but that wasn’t on the tour. Oh well. We grabbed a few pictures, but 30 minutes flew by and we were back in the van.

Speed Racer was now whisking us off to a destination I was really looking forward to: Hin Dat Hot Spring.

The hot springs!

The hot springs!

An hour didn’t seem like it was going to be enough time, but I made the best of it. Little did I realize how perfect it would be. We hopped in the first pool which was about 40 degrees Celcius. It felt sooooooo good. I completely immersed myself and let the warm water relax me as it enveloped my entire body.

Now THIS is a vacation!!!

Now THIS is a vacation!!!

Next to the pools was a stream.

Relaxing next to the cold stream.

Relaxing next to the cold stream.

This stream was not warm… rather, just the opposite. Jim just jumped right in, but my body wasn’t handling the extreme change that well. I waded in up to my waist and that was fine with me. We continued this pool/river jumping for about 30 minutes and then I decided to take the full body river plunge. I found a section of stream with few rocks and that was a little deeper. I fell in head first. The sensation was exhilarating! I jumped out of the water feeling completely refreshed.

Apparently Jim needed to go as bad as the guy on the sign!

Apparently Jim needed to go as bad as the guy on the sign!

After Jim got an emergency stop at the bathroom, we changed back to our street clothes and left the European Speedofest behind. What great memories (not of the European speedos, I should clarify).

We continued the journey by experiencing some history before lunch. We visited Hellfire Pass, which was the site of a Japanese supply railroad that was constructed by prisoners of war during World War 2.

Hellfire Pass

Hellfire Pass

For more on the history of it, visit http://www.hellfirepass.com/museum_hellfire_pass.html.

I thought this was an interesting description from one of the survivors.

I thought this was an interesting description from one of the survivors.

We toured the museum and the site for about an hour. I couldn’t help but think that my friend Glenn would really find this place interesting.

An overlook to the pass below. Beautiful shot!

An overlook to the pass below. Beautiful shot!

After our journey through time, we stopped at a little hole-in-the-wall roadside restaurant and enjoyed an AMAZING Thai feast.

SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!

SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!

Speed Racer even came by after we had our fill and started feeding the leftovers to some mutant fish that lived in a pond next to the restaurant. Soon, everybody wanted a turn, including Jim.

Jim feeding the mutant fish!

Jim feeding the mutant fish!

We got back in the van and soon arrived at our next destination: an elephant camp and bamboo rafting tour on the Kwai River. We were towed upriver by a small boat and then released to drift back downstream.

Being towed up the River Kwai

Being towed up the River Kwai

However, Speed Racer called me out and told me to jump into the river and go for a swim. I told him I’d think about it, but he said to do it now because the boat ride wouldn’t last very long. At first I just wanted to ride the raft, but soon concluded; when was the next time I’d be able to say I went swimming in the River Kwai? So I dove in!

Somebody save me!!!

Somebody save me!!!

Jim was coaxed a bit too and soon gave in, followed shortly by Craig, who was really the last guy in the boat. We let the fast-moving current take control of us and we started cruising down the River Kwai. It was an amazing experience that none of us regretted.

Floating down the River Kwai.

Floating down the River Kwai.

When we got to the launching site, we climbed ashore and made our way to the elephant camp for the next part of the adventure. Jim and I climbed aboard the same elephant and started the trek down the path. It was kind of funny because the safety bar on the seat was really the only thing keeping us from flying off. I kinda felt like there should be a net on the side because we were moving from extreme right to extreme left. I took a few snaps and then the driver offered to take a few for us. I thought this meant he would just turn around and take a couple so we wouldn’t have to do the whole self-portrait thing. Little did we realize he meant he’d let us drive as he walked in front snapping photos.

Brandon driving the elephant.

Brandon driving the elephant.

Needless to say, the rest of the group was jealous. Even after pointing us out, Shelli and Kate’s driver wouldn’t let them do it. Poor Craig just had to sit alone with another woman from our tour group as his driver predicted we were going to die. After a while, Jim got a turn and the driver snapped like another 100 pictures.

Going all Korean in our last pose.

Going all Korean in our last pose.

We finished our “BEST ELEPHANT RIDE EVER!!!” and dashed back to the van for our next adventure.

Our next stop was a little outdoor market off the Death Railroad train depot. After a few minutes of shopping, we visited a nearby Buddha cave.

I think this pic is one of my favorites. It really shows the grandeur of this cave and the lighting really helps.

I think this pic is one of my favorites. It really shows the grandeur of this cave and the lighting really helps.

We then took a ride on a train… destination: unknown!!! We were told the best views were on the right side of the train, but unfortunately, some of us couldn’t get a seat. But our misfortune soon turned into the most thrilling ride ever. We were told we were allowed to stand in the doorway, but a few people started taking that a step further by sitting on the stairs or hanging out the doorway. In a move that would cause my mother undue stress if she were there, I too hung out the door of a moving train.

Who is trying to throw me from a moving train? Could it be a rival blogger?

Who is trying to throw me from a moving train? Could it be a rival blogger?

It was sooooo much fun. Craig tried it too and we laughed as the deadly branches of the passing trees and brush almost killed us as we flew by them.

The van met us at the end of the line and we boarded, headed for our final destination: The Bridge Over the River Kwai. The rest of the group did not realize the historical or cinematic significance of this place. So while I went over the bridge over the River Kwai… they shopped for sunglasses. Despite late afternoon foot traffic on the bridge, it was pretty cool.

About to cross the famous Bridge Over the River Kwai.

About to cross the famous Bridge Over the River Kwai.

We headed home for a night of delicious food at our new favorite hole-in-the-wall.

Shelli no longer has to worry for spicy because they do low spicy for her here.

Shelli no longer has to worry for spicy because they do low spicy for her here.

We then spilt up and got massages. I don’t know why I felt going through the pain again, but I was so loose after the last one that I had to do it again. Craig, Jim and I went to one place while the girls went to another. Now the guy’s spa was really swank. We got our feet washed and were even given special massage pajamas. We, however, put them on backwards (how were we supposed to know the full body ties were supposed to go in the back?) and we think the ladies were laughing at us the whole time. I really wish I had gotten a picture. I can’t tell you what transpired during Jim’s massage, but for me, this massage was more painful than the one yesterday. This lady was killing me with her vice grip and bony knuckles and elbows. As she was working on my legs and she started up the thigh, I made a funny face and she asked if I was ticklish. I said “no” in a high pitched voice as I released my breath. By the end, I was ready to get out of the joint. The woman told me I could change back in the shower room. I ended up getting a fully-clothed shower when I accidentally turned the knob as I removed the massage pajamas from where I hung them. It got a good laugh from Craig and Jim. All in all, the perfect end to a perfect day.

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Fun Firsts with Mike

Time to say goodbye to my first visitor. I had a lot of fun chillin’ and talkin’. He tried to teach me a little Chinese… but I can’t get past the tones, so I’ll probably just stick with Korean. Thanks for trying though, Mike. While he introduced me to Chinese, I introduced him to a few things myself. I brought him into the fun and musical world of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”. I had the honor of being there for his first MST3K experience as we enjoyed the “Touch of Satan” (it softens your hands while you do the dishes). He watched “Slumdog Millionaire” for the first time as well. He also got to play with his first rainstick!!!

Mike and the Rainstick

Mike and the Rainstick

I got to take him out for his first Korean meal at one of these Kalbi restaurants that are scattered all over town. At these restaurants, you are basically handed a plate of raw, marinated meat and you cook it on a small grill right at your table. They also bring you a TON of side dishes and sauces and you cook them together and combine them for a fun experience. It’s a pretty popular type of restaurant here.

A look at the spread at the Kalbi restaurant. I probably should have gone higher with the angle.

A look at the spread at the Kalbi restaurant. I probably should have gone higher with the angle.

Mike tried a few things for the first time. In a historical moment (at Mike’s nudging), I tried Kim-chi for the first time. It was okay… but I’m not going to run out and have it everyday… or every other week for that matter.

The "after" shot from the Kalbi restaurant

The "after" shot from the Kalbi restaurant

It has been great having Mike here the last few days because it has given me the opportunity to step back and feel comfortable with someone for a little while, rather than to have those “I’m still feeling you out” moments I’ve been having with everyone else. Hopefully soon the comfort level will change with those around me. Until then… anyone up for some “Dr. Horrible”?

Mike and I chillin' out. He was a fun first visitor

Mike and I chillin' out. He was a fun first visitor

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I’m Avoiding All Human Contact… Apparently It Can Be Fatal

So today was another day of orientation…

It all started with an exciting video on Blood-borne Pathogens. It was very informative and had the quality you’d expect from a video made early in the new millennium with actors stuck in the early 90s.

The only thing I wanted to do with my life from that point was to MST3K it. It was ripe for ripping. At one point the only think I could think was that the song “Everybody Has AIDS” from Team America was accurate. I also learned that basically I can look at someone and get Hepatitis C.

After that fun-filled adventure, it was time to head back to my classroom for more moping about the drab condition of my walls. It looks very sad with only a few posters on the wall. There is way more white than color. Maybe if I keep the lights off, no one will notice.

But wait… Another teacher has some more posters for me. That’s great!!! Now I have more to choose from as the year goes on. Changing all the room decorations every 6 weeks sure makes thing difficult. What’s that you say? Only the bulletin boards need to be changed every 6 weeks? Room decorations can stay the same all year if need be?!? THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING NEWS I’VE HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE… okay… maybe that’s stretching it just a smidgen. But still, in that moment, all the stress of making sure my room looked adequate just fell right off. I went hog wild for the rest of the day, putting ALL the posters on the walls. Now that I didn’t have to skimp on posters… might as well go all out!!! Now there’s color EVERYWHERE!!!

Finally, it was off for out last scheduled free meal of the orientation period. I guess I’m stuck eating the 15lbs of spaghetti DJ and I bought at Costco. Oh wait… I forgot to tell you about that! WE WENT TO COSTCO ON SATURDAY!!! There is one about 45 minutes away from here. We stocked up!!! Now there’s real food… and ramen… in the house. Costco day was quite a treasure trove day. We had so much stuff, we had to carry some in the seat next to us… and we were on a tour bus!!! My biggest point of sadness… no Goldfish crackers… my favorite comfort snack.

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Please Take Your Seats… No, Not That One… That One (Or… A Real American Movie… in Korean)

More orientation today…

Okay… so at least today started off better than yesterday. I’m still feeling a bit of the pressure, but I’m handling it differently now. I’m feeling less alone in this now. But at the same time, I wasn’t necessarily feeling alone, but at least now I feel like I’m becoming more so part of the family here.

Case in point… I walk up to my 3rd floor room and find my classroom door open. I figure it’s the German teacher I share a room with for one period. I make a “menacing” voice and ask, “Who’s breaking into my room?” In actuality, it wasn’t the teacher I thought it would be, but rather another teacher. She was dropping a small gift off for me. Insignificant seeming… yes… but the thought put into it really meant a lot. It was a bar of soap. But not just any soap… it was a bar of Dove soap. Go ahead and criticize if you must (I don’t care if you take away a man card… maybe I can get it back by the end of this post), but my skin gets dried easily (especially during winter) and the only soap that seems to help is Dove. I had mentioned this fact to her the previous day because, not knowing if they carried it in Korea, I packed a few extra bars just in case. But this teacher brings me this with a note saying “Welcome to Korea…” and which of the local stores carry Dove soap. It was a very kind gesture which reinforced to me that there were people that wanted to see me succeed and make this foreign land feel more like home.

Also tried Korean Chinese food today. Quite delicious, but the cooking time really made you want it. We waited about an hour from the time we ordered to the time the last person got his meal. I also heard we weren’t the record. But apart from the wait time, the food was very good. I shared the sweet and sour chicken with three other teachers (family-sized is a pretty good portion) and tried another really spicy pork dish I’ll have to get next time.

That night we went out to a local Kalbi restaurant where they cook your meat on a small fire pit right at your table. Then you put rice, peppers, onions and any of the other veggies along with the meat on a bed of lettuce and eat it like a burrito. There was also a sweet sauce in the bowl that really added to the flavor. We roasted garlic, peppers and onions along with the meat. Incredible!!! Then they brought out this soup (weird having it after the main course) that, despite the tofu, looked really good. One bite revealed that it would kick you in the teeth if weren’t careful. The Cajun side of me is really enjoying the spiciness of the food here.

Finally, we capped off the night by visiting a local cinema to see… GI JOE!!! The crazy thing was realizing that I was probably seeing it well before many of my friends since it was only 6a ET on Friday when I was sitting down to watch it at 7p Friday here. Na-Na!!! While it was a fun movie… it’s definitely not the most interesting thing I saw at the theatre that night.

I don’t know if these things are universal in Korean theatres, but nonetheless, the things I observed were very interesting movie-going customs. First, there’s no way to find a shorter line if one window is moving faster than another. Why? Because you have to take a ticket number to get into the queue. People would take a number and sit on these cushions until they were called. We were about 40 away when we got there. Plus, DJ had changed his mind about going after his original plans fell through. But someone had already gotten our tickets. No big deal, right? In the States, you could show up right before and get in. Even if the movie is sold out, you buy a ticket to a later showing and sneak in (I’m not necessarily condoning this action here… but I have done it before). Not in Korea. First off, the ticket guy was checking our tickets as we walked into the theatre. But secondly, you can’t just sit anywhere you feel like in a Korean theatre. When you buy your ticket, you are given… wait for it… wait for it… you’re gonna love this… an assigned seat!!! It’s really like going to the theatre to watch a play. WILD!!! Finally, I’m used to watching foreign films with subtitles so I understand what’s going on in the movie (of course, there is something to be said for making up your own plot-lines without using the subtitles), but watching a film in English with Korean subtitles… it’s a whole new overload for the senses.

So now you know what to expect should you ever find yourself visiting a Korean cinema. And knowing is half the battle.

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Now… Go Pee In This Dixie Cup

Today was just a big old adventure. First we had to go to the hospital to get our physicals done. I think I passed everything. I only missed one on the eye chart, but that’s because it was the size of a pimple on an elephant standing 50 feet away. We then moved on to the dental portion of the program and I passed with flying colors thanks to Dr. Gouch’s expert team of dentist that cleaned my teeth a couple weeks ago. Finally, it came to blood-work and urine sample time.

First off, anyone that knows me knows needles and I don’t mix. Don’t have to worry about me becoming a junkie… I couldn’t shoot myself in my arm with a needle. However, I felt like one today as she tied the rubber cord around my arm and started tapping for good vein in my arm. She found one and then… well… I just don’t want to talk about it. At least it wasn’t as bad as the time I got a flu shot and the nurse injecting the guy next to me accidentally dropped the needle in the guy’s leg. He laughed it off while I tried to scream and run for it, but my nurse held me down. I was 22.

But the fun part of that was the urine sample. In the United States, it’s very sterile and professional when you give a urine sample. They have special cups with lids and plastic and tape to seal it off. Not here in Korea. They handed me a Dixie cup (!?!) and pointed me down the hall and around the corner. I found the bathroom and, for the first time in my life, went on demand. Granted, this was no easy feat since I had to fast from food and water since 9p the night before. When I woke up at 2am and had to pee, I fought the urge because I was concerned I’d have no more fluid in my system for the big test. Unfortunately, I also couldn’t sleep… so I went. I became even more panicked when I went out of habit before I jumped in the shower. Midway through, I realized what I was doing and screamed… but it was too late. Thankfully, none of this ended up having an effect on the final.

So now it was just awkward, walking down the hallway with a Dixie cup full of pee and everyone watching me as I went. Talk about a walk of shame. Then they just had us set it down on the table… next to everyone else’s specimen!!! I could have paid a guy to do this for me and they wouldn’t know the difference. In the US, they make you go into a windowless bathroom after doing a full body search to make sure your sample is your own. Oh how things change from continent to continent.

Afterward, we gladly ended our fast by stuffing ourselves full of breakfast foods and Dunkin’ Donuts with the rest of the teaching staff. I grabbed my food and a cup full of juice… in the exact same style Dixie cup I’d just peed in.

The day wears on and I’m preparing my classroom when suddenly… I’m called to the office over the intercom. Once again, I started the walk of shame. The other teachers just pointed and laughed… or wait… that was part of a dream I had recently. No one was pointing and laughing… today. I found out I had to go pay a bill for our apartment down at the corner bank. Simple enough task and I should be able to handle going to a bank.

One small problem… I’d never been to the bank. Didn’t even know where it was.

“Oh… it’s on the corner up by the SM Mart.”

Didn’t know where the SM Mart was either.

“Here… We’ll draw you a map.”

So they sent me off after the drawing of the map. I told them if I didn’t make it back in 5 hours… send help. They said 30 minutes. So out the main doors I went… (insert echoey SyFy… err… Sci-Fi voice) into the great unknown!!!

Off I went… block after block… not seeing the SM Mart anywhere. I’ve now moved farther than I’d ever been before. Fear gripped my soul as nothing resembling an SM Mart was anywhere in sight. I think the scariest thing I’m having to seal with right now is that I can’t even begin to read Korean symbols. At least with French or German I might be able to pick out a word here or there based on the letters and see the origins of some words in the English language. Not here…

But then… just as I was about to turn tail and run back to my familiar surroundings… THE SM MART!!! Oh Hallelujah!!! I now began to run and found the bank on the next corner. I handed them the slip I’d been given and in a few seconds the wire transfer was complete and I was on my way home. I also stopped at the SM Mart (a Korean grocery store) and looked at all the wonderful foods: Korean Doritos, Korean fruits (wondering what the yellow melon tastes like) and squid… fresh from the ocean.

All in all, it was an adventure I can say I managed on my own. I’m sure I’ll be having more in the days and weeks to come. Until then… there’s no place like my 11th floor apartment.

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Can We Get Some Oil On That Door… and the Check???

So tonight I’m visiting my sister with my mom and dad. We decided to go out for dinner at the local Sagebrush Steakhouse. The food was decent, but the food wasn’t the main attraction for my family. While trying to enjoy a quiet, peaceful dinner, a sound kept emanating from the doorway leading to the kitchen. This sound is the kind of sound that could mean one of two things: a hinge of some sort could use a little bit of oil… or you’re about to get a whiff of an unpleasant smell.

My sister was the first to notice the sound that none of us were really paying attention to. She kept chuckling and finally let us all in on the joke. Unfortunately, my dad took that ball and started running with it. I still was able to ignore the sound, but then my sister kept laughing and explained to me and my mom about the motion that my dad was making.

Every time the door opened, my dad, who was facing the door, would shift in his seat, leaning toward me while lifting himself off the seat. Every time he did this, my sister lost it. At first, I was having a nice conversation with my mom about coordinating communication while I’m in Korea… then we noticed what the other two members of the family were doing. My mom started laughing and I just put my head in my hands and uttered the words, “Check, please…” Then came the worst part: the sudden in-and-out rush from the kitchen. For about a minute straight, people kept opening the door over and over… and my dad kept shifting and shifting. Eventually, none of us could keep a straight face as we couldn’t help but laugh. My sister started laughing so hard she couldn’t eat any more. Tables around us couldn’t help but stare… oblivious to the sound I wish I could stop hearing.

So… next time you go to a restaurant and hear this sound… don’t look for my family’s table.

BTW… my apologies to my mother who is probably mortified to be reading this because she told me not to write about it.

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