This entry is closely connected to an entry about an incident that occurred back in April that I just got around to posting. Please refer to the following link for more about this important topic: http://www.myrebootat30.com/?p=785
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I care about all my students and, quite honestly, I love my job and the people I work with on a daily basis. But something upsetting was brought to my attention today. Something that I’m actually surprised it took this long to become breached, but none the less did. I was forced to confront me being me.
So, rumor going around school amongst some students AND faculty has to with my sexuality. I will be the first to admit, I’m not an average guy. I’m very expressive and, in the words of my roommate, act a bit effeminate. I feel that this makes me a unique individual… and you know what, I’m comfortable in my uniqueness. Often times, it seems like my friends are comfortable with it as well, unless of course, they’ve been lying to me all this time and no one really likes me as is. Regardless, people say they like me for who I am and that I’m unlike anyone they’ve ever met. On the flip side of the coin, it also seems like I’ve been judged because people can’t fit me into their nice neat box of categorization. I’m also well-aware of the stereotype assumptions that are made about guys my age that are single.
Without saying it in so many words, my roommate has even came out and told me that the reason he kept his distance and never tried to be my friend or get close to me was because he didn’t know if I was gay or not. And not only him, but now teachers and students are discussing this topic behind my back… and it INFURIATES me. So what if I like candles, can cook and watch “Glee”?
What’s interesting is that when some people (a lot of times women) meet me for the first time, they seem to like me because of my energy and craziness. However, many times it seems that they like me that way in hopes that I can be a different kind of guy that can love them. But when I don’t give them the anticipated response, it’s like suddenly the only reason I won’t is because I like guys.
I’ve been single pretty much all my life. I’ve dated very little and a big reason for this is because I enjoy my freedom. I like the fact that I can make my own decisions and do what I want when I want. Sure, I have to make this exchange at the cost of not having someone to love and share my life with, but it’s a choice I’ve made.
Another reason for my single status is because I haven’t found the right person. And on that topic, you can’t force yourself to be the right person. I do not like to be pushed and prodded into decisions in general. Throwing yourself at me and forcing me to make a decision in YOUR time rather than mine is the biggest turnoff you can demonstrate to me. I want to know that I love someone because I love them, not because I’m questioning whether I love someone because I’m being pushed into it.
I have other reasons for why I don’t date, but those are two of the big ones. I’m not discounting the fact that perhaps one day I’ll find the right person for me. But until that day comes, I’m going to be content with my status.
Next, it seems that the way I have embraced the Korean culture is another cause for questioning my sexuality. GUYS CAN TOUCH EACH OTHER HERE AND NOT BE GAY!!! I’m not talking touching inappropriately. I’m talking about putting their arm around another guy, hugging a guy and… dare I say it… holding another guy’s hand!!! I’ve always been a very touchy person and it was a relief to me to find that so are many Koreans.
What’s funny… I’ve seen male students do all the above and no one thinks twice about it… unless you’re from America or have the American mindset. I know this is an international school and I know there still need to be certain boundaries placed between students and teachers, but just because I’ve done all those things above in a culture that is accepting of it… that makes me gay? Did anyone notice… WE’RE NOT IN AMERICA!!! Instead of trying to change their ways to the American way and being totally USA-centric, understand we’re on their turf. According to what I’ve heard, the majority of the people making these comments are Americans or people that have been strongly influenced by them. Few to any Koreans have expressed any problems.
One reason I’ve tried to become so close with my male students is because there are so few positive male role models in their lives. I’ve tried to be close to them because the girls have the female teachers to relate to… but the guys have grown up going through a system that is predominately filled by women. The ladies can show care, compassion and teach the many girls at our school how to be women. But often times the guys get left out. Why can’t the guys be shown that they are cared about as well by other guys in a way that is deemed culturally acceptable?
Who are we teaching these boys to be if we keep our distance? We’re raising a generation of men that can only bond in sporting activities and other “manly” ways. But try to show any kind of emotion, and you are WEAK!!! My roommate is one of the weaker men I’ve known. He has told me that he has to be able to handle his own crap and even compared himself to Batman to illustrate his point. But when push came to shove, he was bottling up all his emotions and problems up until he collapsed like a house of cards because he realized he couldn’t handle them on his own. Do we really want another generation like this?
Men need each other for support and it’s even a principle taught in the Bible (I know this because we have been studying it in Bible study). So why can’t I show these guys that they are important and are loved and that someone cares about them without being given a label?
It disturbed me earlier this year when someone made a comment about a video I posted on Facebook that included a bunch of the high school guys joking around and lip-syncing to the song “My Heart Will Go On” while taking a break from cleaning the school gym. The person told me that he thought he was watching child porn and that these boys needed to learn how to act like real men. First off, I’ll say to the person that you once again need to understand the culture and how nothing on this video was inappropriate. Secondly, I’d add that if “real men” have to be like a lot of the men I’ve met in my life… we need fewer “real men” and actual men that know how real men are supposed to act.
We have been watching a video series every morning before school that deals with lessons to be learned from the Israelites and their journey through the wilderness into the Promised Land. The last segment dealt with helping each other as a community and helping nurture future generations and give them the proper “soil” in which to grow. Ray VanderLaan, the speaker, talked about how so many kids today can’t grow properly because so much of their “soil” has been eroded away.
I think one reason for this is because of the way people in America are so afraid to even look at a child for fear that it’ll be taken the wrong way. Kids don’t know they’re cared for and they are being raised to be taught that human contact is wrong. No wonder kids hate each other and authority… because they think authority hates them and they act the same way toward each other. This is why I don’t think I could ever teach in the States because I believe the societal stranglehold being placed on adults is harming our kids. I understand the reasoning behind some of it and the protection it offers, but it’s gone too far.
This year, I’ve been labeled as a pornographer, a potential pedophile and now this. This is the best job I’ve ever had. I care deeply about my students. I want them to succeed and I want them to grow up understanding that someone loves them and perhaps show them through that that God loves them too.
I don’t know what the consequences of this post are going to be. Perhaps I’ll be having another reboot at thirty-one. Maybe people will ostracize me and I’ll be left to deal with all this alone. But for people to gossip about these things behind my back without even trying to get to know me in most cases, you should be appalled at your behavior. I’ve had non-Christian co-workers that have treated me better than you and could have cared less about my sexual orientation. Like me for the unique person God made me and stop trying to fit me into your stereotype boxes. Why does any of this even matter? It’s time you stop trying to ruin my life. It’s time you learned to keep your rumormongering mouths shut!
